Friday, July 4, 2008
HOWLING 2 - WEREWOLF BITCH !!!
Body count: 46 (...if you include werewolves, which I of course do.)
Whoa. Wow wow wee whaaa.
What a great night. I don't know if I've ever been part of an audience so invested in truly enjoying a questionable-caliber monster movie. I'd like to heartily shake the hand of everyone in attendance for seeing the greatness of HOWLING 2.
- For christ's sake: THE FIRST SCENE IN THIS MOVIE! Try to push aside the swirling vortex of exploding eyeballs and bared bazoobers and think back to one of the most bizarre opening segments of the '80s:
Who's brilliant idea was this? Something tells me it isn't how the novel version opens. Speaking of which, who writes a book called "Howling 2" as mentioned as the film's source material in the opening credits? Sure, I'm illiterate, but I've always been under the impression that sequel titles were reserved for movies and steered clear of bookshelves. Now, a work of fiction bearing the title "Werewolf Bitch"? There's a Danielle Steele-level bestseller.
- Then there's these guys:
All right. I've been to Los Angeles. I know about all the goofballs and wasteoids there. But my only issue is that these fellas are played as the rough-and-tumble type, which is difficult to believe when their leader looks like a Beauty Bar version of Dennis the Menace. However, the nightclub they frequent (an actual '80s Hollywood goth dive called The Batcave) is about as great a location as you could ever hope for in a film. The fact that director Mora got 80+ actual punk kids to riot for a band like Babel is just further testament to his auteuristic prowess. Don't you agree, Christopher Lee?
"Yes, Zack. Yes, I do!"
The scene where the lowlifes are knocked off one by one in the warehouse is pure gold. GOLD!!
- But everything turns upside down with the arrival of our titlewolf STIRBA!:
Sybil Danning has accomplished a great deal in her artistic career, but this role has just GOTTA be the pinnacle. And I'm saying that for THIS REASON...
...and THIS REASON...
...moreso than THIS REASON:
Seriously, despite the nudity, she is one hell of a werewolf superprincess. From her performance to her clothing to her wily methods of quasi-incestuous seduction, she was the queen of the screen. She can even shoot lazer-lightning out of her fingernails, for Pete's sake!
But, as the room's applause proved, the REAL star of the film wasn't the heroic Reb Brown, the pure-hearted Annie McEnroe or even fearless monster destroyer Christopher Lee. Oh, heaven's no. The Oscar goes to one man and one man only. Ladies and gentlemen:
Thanks again for making this one of the best Thursday nights ever upon this stinkin' planet! Alamo buddy Reb Hibbert was so moved by this show that he has offered to help figure out how to bring Sybil Danning herself out for another presentation of the film in the future! How does that sound to you? I say: YEEEOOOWWWW!
See you next week for THE DEADLY SPAWN! Do not miss!!!!!!!!!!!